i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
