Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
