You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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