Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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