I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
