i can't believe i had my finger in that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
where are my eyebrows?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
