At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
