So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
