if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Acid is not a monday night drug
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
