this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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