i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
