I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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