I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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