I wish I could teleport
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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