Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
