i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
