The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
