btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This baby is an asshole
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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