you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
