Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
