I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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