you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
