Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
