Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
