Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
