just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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