He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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