Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
