just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
