Apparently you make a good broom.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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