I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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