Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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