I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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