my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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