On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
