Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
