They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
