My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
