Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
love makes seman taste better
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
