so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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