Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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