Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
