Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
