she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
