dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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