You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
be right there i have to get my cape
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
