It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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