Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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