I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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