She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
