whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
