Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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