I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
