Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
